I thought I’d feel jealousy. Maybe a little shame. But watching her? She was in control. She’d tell him “slower,” “harder,” “look at me.” And every few minutes, she’d glance over at me. Not a check-in. A sharing . It was like she was saying, “See? I’m doing this for us. And I’m fucking amazing at it.”

That hour is agony. Not bad agony— good agony. I pace. I check Life360. I listen to heavy metal. I am vibrating with anticipation.

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